Your Memories of Bonnie Lynn White (April 5, 1980 - November 17, 2006)

I'm just gonna let my mind go. It is currently 12:12 am and I have to be up at 6 for work in the morning but I can't sleep tonight.

...so that's cool.

I think of you every day.

Oh how I crave saying the word

..."mom?"

It's crazy to think I haven't gotten to say that since 2006

...when you were here.

Going through this life without a mom is by far the hardest struggle I've endured.
I wish you were here to give advice on life, boys, friend drama, my future, and simply,

...what to wear because I never have anything ... duhh.

I wish you were here for me to call when I need to know how to wash my whites or how long chicken breasts are good for or if I should go blonde since I wasn't blessed with it naturally like the other daughter of yours.

I wish you were here to spend the holidays with me and my sister. I wish I could buy you Christmas presents and watch you open them on Christmas morning.

I wish I could cry on your shoulder when things get REALLY hard for me and to lift me up when I fall...sometimes, VERY hard.

I wish you were here to hopefully be the first person to tell me

"good job, I'm proud of you."

I wish you were here to meet my new puppy, Nala, she is the greatest blessing and the absolute most loyal "friend" I've ever had in my life... pathetic but I'll take it over a

...back stabbing bitch anyday.

She snugles me everynight and never lets me feel

...alone.

Ever since the 1st grade, I've been reminded of you every single time I see someone hug their mom.

You could call it,

...jealousy

and I'd obviously agree.

Oh, so they get to just call their mother

...for any little inconvenience that may occur on a Tuesday?

cool.

I wish heaven had a phone so I could just hear your voice again.
or hear if your laugh is as

...cringey as mine.

Want to know something?

...I promise id never ignore a call from you, mom.

like I see some of my friends do.

I wish I could go back and make things right for you when you had no one. I wish I could've fixed any of the hurt you felt. I wish I could have hugged you and told you that everything was going to be ok and remind you just how

..strong

you were and how loved you were.

You deserved better Bonnie Lynn.

Thank you for staying strong and doing everything you could for us girls. Ive always felt an emptiness inside of me and I don't think it will ever go away until I become a mom myself. I cry at the thought of not having my mother here to teach me how to do the new mommy things, but I try to stay positive knowing I have the absolute most beautiful guardian angel looking over me.

xoxo

like everyday, I'm just thinking about you, it's very upsetting to me that not many people write on this. I didn't forget about your 34 birthday, I made you a cake (then ate it) and spent the whole day thinking about you. I miss you soo much, and I wonder where I would be in life if you were still here. i wish I could say all this and get a response, but unfortunately I can't. I miss you and I love you. Don't forget that! I will never say goodbye, but see you later, because I will see you later.... For sure. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox always.
Yours truely,
Me

I just miss you so much. thats all i can say.

you make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe, shine like gold, buzz like a bee, just the thought of you can drive me wild, ohhh you make me smile.
Plese dont think ive forgotten about you. please dont think your not remmembered, please please no that i love you very much. i cry. i wish. i wonder what really happened. i say happy birthday,and wonder if you really hear me. you no, i will always always love you sooo much...when i come to heaven, we can runn far away into a happy place.i luv you.

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